In Soviet Russia Oyster Card is mutant who eats your face off...

For those of you who haven't heard me flapping on about it I can heartily recommend Metro 2033.

It's low budget so a little rough around the edges (mainly path finding issues and some graphical glitches) but is both pretty and atmospheric. Set in a post-apocalyptic Moscow you play as some dude from a series of Russian novels of the same name as the game. The novels. Not the dude. The dude is called Artyom. Basically the only people to survive the bombs were those in the Metro stations. Each station has become a community in it's own right linked by the mutant infested tunnels and the need to collectively survive. Some stations have differing ideology (in one bit you cross the front line between a Nazi station and a Communist one, it's AWESOME) and you have a mission and role to play out that will change the fate of the survivors yadda yadda yadda.

For the most part it's standard FPS fare but it chucks in a load of stuff that really gets you panicking. In some areas you have to wear a gas mask which alters the sound effects (including your own panicked breathing) and requires "gun no longer in hands" filter changes and can get cracked if you take too many blows to the head. Saddled with pneumatic weapons that you have to manually pump (an action that Ron will be familiar with) stealth options, a manual dynamo based torch and night vision goggles and loads of other things designed to get in the way and it all adds up to a hefty soiled trousers dry cleaning bill.

Not one for the G whores* though as the achievements are both solid and require multiple play throughs (a thing that I hate almost as much as online achievements).

Also it's best played in Russian language with English subtitles as the voice acting is almost as bad as Just Cause 2. It's right good fun if you want to have the shite scared out of you and fancy an FPS with a few twists. An odd comment, I know, but it has the best lighting and smoke effects I have ever seen.

On top of all that, I bought my copy in the Gamestation sale for £25, bargain bucket joy.

*On the subject of whores, don't visit the one you find in the game. You have been warned...

wow

Too long?

no, that was all i could come up with after that pointless dribble.....

just j/k'ing, i love it when the weasle goes off on a rant and gives us the ril dil on things! it is brill....

I'm starting to see the point of this forum. And the point is that I now see this forum as my only chance to force my theories / taste / political viewpoints / overall awesomeness onto you, the great unwashed. Especially you Ron, I see you as a small retarded colonial monkey man in need of direction and education in these dark, dark times. I WILL CREATE AN ARMY OF MINI-WEASLE TASTE NAZIS / PONCES AND RULE THE WORLD!!!

That is all.

Now go to the PS3 thread and watch the Avatar review I linked to.

ouch! yes sir may i have another?

Hmm still think it would scare me what can I say I'm a wus... And I really think you need to grow a pair your being turned in to a evil weasle mini clone.

what is boils down to is that we have a strong bond between our inner-most core values....

WE FUCKING HATE PEOPLE! (okay so maybe it didn't need to be in caps, or the fucking)

simply put: we hate people and we should rule the world.

think of weasle as hitler and i'm himmler, except we just want to destroy the "stupid faces".

I'm with Burgerloid on that one Gargoyle, people suck. Anyhoo, I'll bring Metro over one night and you can make your mind up in the flesh. I think you're man enough to take one up the tunnel. Or something.

CallMeTheWeasle wrote:

I think you're man enough to take one up the tunnel. Or something.

I think that's the sweetest thing I've ever heard you say!

Weasle I'm never gonna take one up the tunnel next time I see you I'm wearing armoured pants!!! just to be on the safe side....

the only protective pants that are effective against the weasle's rape moves are the ARS-E169 Cock Cuppers. Found at your local gun emporium. Happy shopping!


BTW, if an older gentleman approaches and offers to help size you.....i recommend it, he makes sure it is tight to your anus and makes certain there is no "jiggle jaggle" in your balls.

Ron Burgundy wrote:

the only protective pants that are effective against the weasle's rape moves are the ARS-E169 Cock Cuppers. Found at your local gun emporium. Happy shopping!


BTW, if an older gentleman approaches and offers to help size you.....i recommend it, he makes sure it is tight to your anus and makes certain there is no "jiggle jaggle" in your balls.

Now that Ron, was good!

If a little awkward to explain my laughter at work!